In the Oxford Distionary the word feral comes from the Latin meaning wild beast. It’s common usage, a feral creature is one who was once wild, then domesticated, and who has reverted back to a natural or untamed state once again.
A feral woman is a woman who was once in a natural psychic state, in her rightful sound mind- then later captured by whatever turns of events, thereby becoming overly domesticated and deadened in proper instincts. Her cycle and protective systems have been tampered with.
Woman have for many years been lured to the things that disfunction our mind and souls: relationships, people, and ventures that are tempting, but inside that good-looking bait is something sharpened to a point, something that kills our spirit as soon as we bite into it. I personally call this “starving of the soul”
As a young girl I was raised in an interesting home. The things as a kids that our family thinks we don’t see and understand they do catch up with us. They play like episodes in our my minds .
My mother tried her best to shelter me from these events. She made sure my minds was kept occupied with alot of work so I don’t see the truth of the damaging emotional impact these episodes had on a little girl. I was quiet a smart girl though because I used that as my strength. I created ambition, passion and love for my work and goals. Oh how fun it was to just have a whole lot of work occupying me, it makes life easier to deal with people and relationships. I created a world of work and empowerment. I knew how to channel my mind to that, it saved me alot of tears when dealing with rejection. The more rejected the more forceful I was to gaining power, but succeeding in everything, when u grow older things don’t really work out that way.
When I left this country to pursue my dreams and aspirations in life I encountered interesting people and interesting relationships. One particular relationship change my life.
There was a man who I saw was too good to be true but I went on to prusue this relationship. I will call this man Frank. He was handsome, foreign.. African foreign. He was charming could dress so well. The way he smelled so dreamy. He was good with his words charming and I tell you, his the kind of guy you want to be seen with. I loved him, but it was hard to tell. The manipulation, the lies, the making you feel bad for their wrong doing I can go on . I mean these were things that I knew.
I was trapped, not progressing. I was moving but with no direction. Do you know how frustrating that is. Feeling weak and vulnerable. Then he got someone who I knew and was friends with pregnant then I did what I do best . Start occumilating alot of work and move on. So I got more work and shifted my focus. Funny how this strategy didn’t work instead I got into another toxic personal and toxic work relationship. Eventually everything I felt for all these years, the bullying, the haterad towards family and friends the bitterness towards people who have harmed me emotionally and physically surfaced and just blew up. I know I needed time out. So I came home, home where I grew up, home to my mother. I needed to heal
I had to understand to hold on to what we have, the way to find our way back to our soul is to see the mistakes a woman like me trapped can make. Then we can backtrack and repair.
I know for sure at the bottom is the best soil to sow and grow something new again. In that sense, hitting bottom, while extremely painful, is also the sowing ground.
In our lives, even though one episode amounts to a crash and burn, there is always another episode awaiting us and then another. There are always opportunities to get it right, to fashion our lives in the ways we deserve to have them. People usually waste time hating a failure. Failure is a greater teacher than success. So u listen learn and let go.
Sitting with woman and listen to they stories made me see that nine times out of ten woman with a spiritual/psychological problem that causes her to fall into traps and be badly hurt is a woman who is currently being starved or who has been critically soul starved in the past. When a woman has gone without her cycles or creative needs for a long time, she begins a rampage of- you name it alcohol, drugs, anger, spirituality, oppression of others, promiscuousity, pregnancy, study, creation, control, education, orderliness, body fitness, junk food, to name a few areas of common excess, When woman do this, they are compensating for loss of regular cycle of self – expression, soul-satiation.
Being so consumed with day to day do lists that overwhelm you and under nourished the soul has caused my soul to die. I had to start learning to get up, stand up, no matter how homemade my platform has been, I have to live my best life the most I can, the best I can and hold out for what has real meaning and health for me.
I learnt that it is deadly to be without confidant, without guide, without even a tiny cheering sections as a woman. So I surrounded myself with woman who are noble and liberated.
Know that all these challenges in life give me courage. Courage means to follow your heart. That causes meaningful rebellion, one that would promote change, give a message, cause an awakening. I had to stop talking and obsessing and just do it.
The psychological soul-plan for coming back into one’s own is as :take extra special caution and care to loose yourself into the world gradually, setting up ethical and protective structures by which you gain to measure when something is too much. If you are striving to do something you value, it is so important to surround yourself with people who unequivocally support your work.
Refused to be captured and become one vital woman.